Heavenly Father, I give You glory, honor, and praise. I will never be able to offer up to You what You have done for me. I stand in awe of Your creation, how You have interceded with us, and the knowledge that You create me uniquely with a purpose, a plan, and a desire for me to know You. Help me today to take command of my day and shake the evil that tries to destroy me out of my life.
Holy Spirit, this season is very hard on me. I used to love Christmas and all that goes into it. Now I just try to survive it, which is not how it should be. A few days ago, while packing Christmas presents away, I found a bag of Philip’s Bibles, a promise book Joe had given him, and his journal he took to the last Big Stuff he went to. I miss him dearly and all the potential that was there. Not knowing if it was an accident or suicide is one of the hardest things to bear. I was not the best of fathers, apparently. Either I should have trained him better on how to handle a rifle, or because I was not in a good place at the time, I was not there for him when he needed it most. Either way, I see my shortcomings. I have failed so badly at times being the father I need to be to Rachel and Joe and the grandpa I need to be to Garrick, Hensley, and Emmerich. If it were not for the hope of seeing Philip and our other babies in heaven, I am not sure how I would take another step in life. And yet I know and understand the unexplainable grace I received through salvation, and I am trying desperately to do God’s will and teach and pray. I try to do better and seek You out daily so that I can somehow bring good for the rest of my days.
I thank my God always concerning the grace of God which was given to me by Christ Jesus, that I am enriched in everything by Him in all utterance and all knowledge, even as the testimony of Christ was confirmed in me, so that I come short in no gift, eagerly waiting for the revelation of our Lord Jesus Christ, who will also confirm me to the end, that I may be blameless in the day of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is faithful, by whom I am called into the fellowship of His Son, Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen. [1Corinthians 1:4-9]