I lift up my eyes to the hills—where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip—he who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The Lord watches over you—the Lord is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night. The Lord will keep you from all harm—he will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore. [Psalm 121]
Holy Spirit as I near the 17th of March I once again must relive the loss of my son. I once again must go through the memory of losing such a bright, loving young man with tons of potential. I once again struggle with how strong is my faith. Instead of screaming to God why when I found him, why didn’t I pray for his life to be renewed like Lazarus? Why did I not have a prompting from the Holy Spirit to talk more to him the night before or make sure I called him at my lunch time as I had many times? The irony is never far from my life that the son that was a miracle to be alive was lost way before his time should have been.
Holy Spirit help me, my family and many of Philip’s friends find a way to go on in life and serve You, even though his memory and love is a part of who we are. Help us to draw together not farther apart. Help us to not lose our faith or trust in You. Help us to understand that we will probably never understand while we are living her on the earth. This is where faith and trust must prevail or all is lost. This does not mean I and others will not have days of loneliness, loss, depression and times of questioning whether we believe or if we can continue to move on.
Holy Spirit the past two years have broken me in many ways and I realize that sometimes the only way I can truly learn to lean on You is to be fully broken and weak.
Holy Spirit help my family this week and many of the friends of Philip to remember the love and the remarkable creation You made when You made Philip. Let us rejoice in the knowledge that we will once again see him when we reach heaven. He no longer has to fight his asthma and he gets to enjoy life with You while we continue to struggle as we walk down here on the earth. Help me to live the rest of my life in the center of Your will so that I can see Philip and many others, but most of all so I can see You, my Savior and Redeemer. Help me to walk as close as I can to You and to listen and talk much less. Let me be the light to others to seek You. In Jesus’ name, Amen.