When Doubt tries to Creep In

Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift my soul. Hear my prayer, O Lord; listen to my plea! Answer me because You are faithful and righteous. Don’t put your servant on trial, for no one is innocent before you. My enemy has chased me. He has knocked me to the ground and forced me to live in darkness like those in the grave. I am losing all hope; I am paralyzed with fear. I remember the days of old. I ponder all your great works and think about what you have done. I lift my hands to you in prayer. I thirst for as parched land thirsts for rain. Come quickly, Lord, and answer me, for my depression deepens. Don’t turn away from me, or I will die. Let me hear of Your unfailing love each morning, for I am trusting You. Show me where to walk, for I give myself to You. Rescue me from my enemies, Lord; I run to you to hide me. Teach me to do Your will, for You are my God. May Your gracious Spirit lead me forward on a firm footing. For the glory of Your name, O Lord, preserve my life. Because of Your faithfulness, bring me out of this distress. In Your unfailing love, silence all my enemies and destroy all my foes, for I am Your servant. [Psalms 143:8; Psalm 143, NLT] 

Holy Spirit I have found it easy to quote or say what Christ said, “Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” [Matthew 17:20] Yet in my heart I often doubt that I even have the faith of a mustard seed. Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” “If You can?” said Jesus. “Everything is possible for him who believes.” [Matthew 19:26; Mark 9:23] So, Holy Spirit I am like the man in the Bible who said to Christ, help me with my unbelief. I know in the past I have trusted, believed, and prayed and often I see God move in ways I will never be able to explain. I have also faced things in life that have torn me down to where I had to see if I could even believe, trust, or hope anymore. I have doubts, I have depression, I have days I can’t see the spiritual world around me. I have days I am not sure, and do not seem to hear, feel, or am aware of your presence. I often have to go back and meditate and pray for Your word just to embolden myself of who I am in You. I guess that when Paul wrote to the Romans and told them to be living sacrifices and to renew their minds he was talking to people like me. I need to daily die to my doubts, my desires, and my “rights” and completely surrender my life to Christ. I also have to work, meditate, pray, and focus on what is righteous, true, and glorifying to God so that I keep no room in my head for doubt, confusion, defeating thoughts, or depression. I know that as I am in my humanness, I will still get depressed, lonely, and downhearted, but I need to begin to look to You, trust in You, and allow Your Spirit to once again regenerate the confidence in me that comes with being a son of the King of Kings.  

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His abundant mercy has given us a new birth into the living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an incorruptible and undefiled inheritance that does not fade away, kept in heaven just for me, I am protected by the power of God through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. In this I greatly rejoice, even though now, if for a little while, I have to suffer various trials, so that the genuineness of my faith, which is more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tried by fire, may be found to result in praise, glory, and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ, whom, having not seen, I still love and in whom, though I do not see Him now, I believe and I rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of glory, receiving as the result of my faith the salvation of my soul. The end of all things is near. Therefore, be clear-minded and self-controlled so that you can pray. Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God’s grace in its various forms. If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power forever and ever. Amen. [1 Peter 1:3-9; 1 Peter 4:7-11]